You need help. Someone to mediate. Someone to translate. Someone to help you explore how things went wrong in your relationship — and how things can go right once again.
However, you are anxious about putting your time, emotional energy and the future of your slowly crumbling relationship into someone else’s hands.
I get it.
Which is why, before you book an appointment with me, I want to be clear, honest and upfront on how I roll! First and foremost – I love win-win situations. I believe in collaboration over compromise. And I will empower you and your partner to overcome past traumas, confront recent challenges and forge forward into a happier, healthier future.
But that’s just the beginning.
Here are five things you may hear me say while we work together to rebuild, rekindle and passionately reclaim your romance.
“You Both Must Want This”
Couples therapy is not the place to plead your case: It’s not about convincing your partner to stay with you. Couples therapy is about two people — who have challenges — coming together. It’s about two people who both want to be together.
Remember, I am a therapist, not a magician. Yes, I am skilled and fabulous at what I do, but I cannot make your partner stay with you. I will do everything I can to help you rekindle the romance, re-energize the communication and restore the honesty in your partnership. I will show you how to make your relationship successful, but you have to give me something to work with.
You and your partner must both want your relationship to work.
“Get To Work”
Are you ready for homework? Yes, I said homework. Some of my couples roll their eyes at this thought. But eye-rolling cannot deter from the fact that you have some serious work to do.
How can you learn the skills I teach you if you only use them when you see me every two weeks for an hour? As I tell my clients, my office is a safe haven where you can voice your concerns, explore your challenges and engage with each other in a vulnerable way — but life is where the real stuff happens. Life is where things get messy. It’s where you really, truly show your partner that you are committed to your relationship.
Not only does homework help you take these new skills into the real world, it is geared toward your unique needs. That means it will get you closer to the relationship you want to have.
“It’s a Team Effort”
Your partner lied, your partner cheated, your partner detached emotionally. Whatever it was, your partner’s recent action has brought you into therapy. But it still takes two to tango. You are in this together, and I am there to help you both learn to make your relationship healthier and happier. I am not your spokesperson, I am not there to reprimand your partner. I don’t judge or bash.
Instead, I listen and guide you toward the goals you want to accomplish in your relationship.
I am not on your team. I am not on your partner’s team. I am there as a cheerleader, referee and a coach for the team that is your relationship.
Therapy is a collaborative effort. If you don’t show up, you can’t improve. If I don’t show up, I can’t help you improve.
Therapy is also a process. It’s like building a house: We have to build the foundation before we do anything else. Then we build the frame, then we add the siding and then top it off with a roof. If you skip a step, your structure is compromised.
In therapy, if you skip a step, your relationship not going to grow, heal and thrive as it should.
Simply put: Make your scheduled appointments, and I will make the same commitment to you. I understand life happens, but missed appointments should not be a consistent action. Some therapists are only interested in booking appointments, but my philosophy is quality over quantity. If I am not helping you have a better relationship, then what is the point of coming to see me? I want you to get results in your relationship. That is why I show up prepared and make sure I am giving you effective tools to create the relationship you want.
Be open to the truth — because that is what I give.
Sure, we could spend our time sugarcoating your issues and ignoring the elephant (or elephants) in the room. But that will not do you, your partner or your relationship any good. Couples therapy is supposed to put your relationship on a new track. It’s supposed to rid you of old self-defeating habits. That is why honesty is invaluable in my sessions, along with respect and compassion.
If you are mad, be mad. But instead of tossing your partner’s clothing out your bedroom window or resorting to unbridled screaming, I will show you how to be mad and respectful. That’s the only way we hear, and that’s the only way we can effectively respond to each other.
During your session, I want you to bring your true selves. I do not want you to be the person you think I want to see. If I do not see the true you, I am treating a lie and that doesn’t benefit you or your relationship.
By now, you can tell the kind of therapist I am. You can understand the expectations I have of my clients. I work hard for you, and I expect you to work hard for your relationship. We will both be rewarded for this effort. You have a chance to nurture a resilient, healthy relationship. And I get the satisfaction of helping you do so.
If you have never been to couples therapy or if you have had a bad counseling experience, I want you to realize what I offer: It’s not the stuffy, formal picture of therapy you have in your head. That is not what I do. I hope to show you that I offer a warm, confidential, no-judgment zone where you can be yourself and make your relationship better.
If you want to discover firsthand who I am and how I can support you and your partner, you can contact me at (864) 559-8181 to schedule an appointment. I can help people in Greenville, SC, and surrounding areas.