How to Get Over a Cheating Boyfriend in 5 Steps

Finding out that the man you love has cheated on you is a devastating feeling. Kind of like the wind was knocked out of you and everything starts to move slow. You can’t believe the man you trusted is now the man who has hurt you in the worst way. You may start asking yourself questions like “Why me?” or “Was I not good enough?” These are normal questions and finding the right answers will be essential in healing your broken heart.

As a relationship therapist and coach, I help many women go through the healing process. In the healing process, there are emotions that come up such as anger, sadness and confusion. However, I assure you that if you take the time to fully heal you will come out a much stronger and confident woman. You will have all the answers you need to make decisions that will honor your heart and soul.

Let me walk you through 5 steps on how to get over a cheating boyfriend. 

Step 1: Stop blaming yourself

We sometimes think “If I would have spent more time with him” or “If I been more sexy” that our boyfriend would not have cheated.  But before he cheated he had two choices:

  1. To talk to you about his feelings, wants and desires
  2. To leave the relationship

So, I don’t want you to assume the blame for his actions. His cheating was about him making the wrong decision. No one can make someone else happy every minute of the day. You are valuable and deserve to have someone who is committed to you and knows your worth.

Step 2: Grieve

I know that without a doubt, this is the worst phase of the healing process. However, this is the most revitalizing step. Why? Because once you cry and let out all of your feelings, your spirit will feel lighter. You won’t feel the burden of trying to hold everything together. Every woman grieves in a different way. You may want to shut yourself from the rest of the world, cry your heart out while watching sad romantic movies, or talk to your girlfriends. Whatever way you chose, don’t skip this step.

Step 3: Make Peace

I know it’s hard to make peace when you have been hurt. I want you to know that making peace is not saying what your boyfriend did was okay but that what he did will not keep you from being happy. We can’t control other people’s actions however we can control how we react to them. Yes, it will take time to get through the healing process but it will be worth it. Remember, things and people may come and go but when you are happy with yourself, you have a peace that no one can take away.

Step 4: Enjoy the company of friends

What would you do without your amazing friends? Don’t you just feel a whole lot better when you’re able to talk to your friends after a breakup? Whether you guys are out dancing, eating or just hanging out at the house, your friends have the ability to make you laugh when you are hurting inside. Friends are a great support system because they know how awesome you are and can tell you the truth without hurting your feelings. They love you and want to see you happy. So don’t turn them away when they want to come and comfort you. Let them be there for you because you know you would do the same for them.

Step 5: Avoid temptation

It could very tempting to try to hurt your boyfriend in the way he hurt you. Maybe you think cheating on him will make him see what it feels like to be hurt in that way. But I want you to think about something. Aren’t you better than that? Do you just want to give some guy your “goodies” in order to get back at your boyfriend? Any man who has the pleasure of “knowing you like that” needs to bring more to the table than a free pass because you are upset. I have been in the same situation and what I learned was that it is hard enough to work through the pain that your boyfriend caused you, why add the extra pain of knowing you hurt him too? Don’t worry in time he will realize how much pain he caused you, he will remember the tears in your eyes and he will wonder how he was able to hurt such an amazing woman. 

Over to You

I would love to hear your comments below! Have you been in this situation before, or what advice would you give to someone who has experienced her boyfriend cheating?

If you want to work with me 1-1, call me at (864) 559-8181 to schedule an appointment.

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  • jennifer

    hi im going through the same situation only for I have a 2 year old and another one on the way…the thing about it is he done wrong but not once tried to work things out or even show an ounce of caring since he left…he tries to say he done nothing wrong but he knows he did…I just don’t know what to do or how to handle it anymore…always waiting for the day he will call or come back but I knows by now he aint and I also am thinking now that there is someone else which makes it so much harder…hope u can help me

    • Hey Jennifer, I am sorry to hear that you are facing such a challenging situation. It is difficult to face a breakup especially when there are children involved. One thing that I would recommend you do is to stop focusing on your ex because one thing I know for sure is that we can not change other people. So you don’t know if he will call, come back or ever admit that he did anything wrong. But what you do know is that you have a life to live for yourself and your children. You don’t need anything from him to start the process of healing and to move forward with your life. If you haven’t already, you should download my free e-book the Breakup Bucket List which gives you tips/advice on how to get over a breakup. If you need more guidance and support, you can always purchase my book, Single Woman’s Wake-up Call which goes more into details on how to overcome broken relationships. Jennifer thanks so much for sharing and I wish you the best of luck!

  • Emma

    My boyfriend & I broke up because of my girl cousin we all go to the same school but she kinda really hates me so my boyfriend and I agreed not to tell her we came back but then he started to send me messages that she sent to him telling him love.. Love you… Adore you… You are my life and things like that so i was shocked so next day I invited her for dinner and took her mobile as if i was playing games but I took her obile to the toilet and opened their chat and saw french kisses hearts and loving words and hates on me and they both don’t know I knew so I don’t know what to do please help

    • Hey Emma, from what you have told me this is a situation that you will have to address. The thought of your boyfriend and cousin being in a relationship behind your back is something that can tear you apart emotionally. You deserve to be treated with respect in all of your relationships.

  • Angie Gonzales

    i just found out that my boyfriend, my baby father, has been talking to this girl again after i told him not too. he been flirting with her over 3years. i could tell that he likes her . i just found out that he wants to cover up my name and that he told her that she was the one and that he asked her out when i wa pregnant with my first child. and i am pregnant at this moment. he apologizes for flirting with her and sending her bad pictures but yet, i know that he really likes her. and i know that he dont feel the same for me anymore but he beggs to be with me.but what he did was wrong. should i give him another chance? i love him and want to be with him, but i know that he wont change or that he will stop talking to her. he talks to girls alot and his always hidding his phone from me and he never wants to give me his phone password. he avoids in taking me to places he constantly attends too.

  • Justine

    Im lost for words because all of that is true except I didn’t have the urge to cheat back but I forgave him but at the same time I can’t get passed it it’s been over a year since he did it and I still think of it how do I forget because we are engaged and have two kids I am happy I just don’t get why he did it I know he regrets it everyday but now I feel like I’m going to push him away if I don’t stop bringing it up

  • Laci Jane

    My boyfriend/fiancé cheated on me five different times with the same female. He didn’t even tell me, my ex best friend ended up telling me because he was so called “bragging” about his mistakes at work. I’ve always had insecurity issues and especially now carrying his child, which he’s made obvious is a mistake. I work full time and he’s recently been laid off, so he is at home a lot and always wants to go to his friends at night or stay up until the early morning. I can’t even remember the last time he called me pretty or even gave a compliment.. He told me he had a porn addiction and my insecurity is so bad I can’t even stand him watching that or looking at any other girl. Every “serious” relationship I’ve ever been in, my boyfriend has cheated. I’ve never done this. It’s been about 4 months and I still have the sickened feeling. I do blame myself, just as he blamed me when I found out. I never want my child to be without a father, but how can I live my life with him knowing he’s been with someone else while with me? Please, please have an answer for my broken spirits

  • susan

    Hi my name is sue and i am currently going through this and i am truely struggling..I moved in wjth my boyfriend fully thi king we had a beautiful love and future i had no signs of him cheating..nust as we were approachi g our third anniversay i was going on the computer and his email was signed on and there it was all in front of me he was talking with three other women there were pictures and videos and text messages about there times together..it was dated seven months ago and he continues to tell me he realized what i was to him and stopped and gave me a ring to try to show he loves me and wants to spend his life with me..I struggle every day not believing and always thinking something is going on i dont know how to trust now and my heart hurts so much..help please someone even if its what i dont want to hear

    • Hey Susan, trusting after your partner has cheated is tough however it can happen. The first thing that you must do is forgive him for cheating. By forgiving him you will be able to see yourself, him and your relationship clearly. You will never know if he will cheat again but by forgiving him you will know you have done all you can do to give your relationship a chance. And all we can do in relationships is to give our best. Remember it takes two people to give 100% in order for a relationship to work. I hope this helps. If you want to schedule an appointment with me to talk 1-1 you can call me at (864) 444-3057.

  • Hurtingandconfused

    I loved this – thank you! I must say that there are so many conflicting articles, and some that just add shame and guilt to your situation. My bf of almost a year cheated with random strangers on the internet. He was sexting and sending pictures and receiving. I came across his messages by putting in a password – I recently found out what it was. Some may say this was wrong, but please tell me how would I have known he was a cheater if I hadn’t? I had spoken to him about his password protected devices (computer and phone) and I shared with him that this secretiveness was upsetting me. Just the fact that he had to lock up everything, that made me very uncomfortable. After all, I was an open book – he could go through any of my devices, because I had nothing to hide. In case your wondering, he had no kids at home (all grown and moved away) and no roomade. So why the locks? Well now I know. He wanted to buy a place together, we were looking for places, talking about marriage, yet he was doing this on the side? Second time this has happened to me – bf sexting – and if you read Dr. Phil’s articles on this, he says if you are suspicious, you will create a cheater. Really seriously blames the women for being suspicious in the first place. Is that not your gut telling you he is cheating, or should I take responsibility that I created this? I hurt bad enough without that!

  • Adriana Aguilar

    My boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me, with his ex girlfriend with whom he got back as soon as I broke up with him. It really hurts, our relationship seemed mature, we were planning moving together, we have plans of marrying, traveling and building our lives together… and he was the one who was always talking about how strong our relationship was and how we should fix our problems instead of giving up, how much he wanted it to be a lifelong relationship. Meanwhile he started dating his ex days before my birthday, acting like everything was more than perfect. I broke up with him without knowing about the cheating but because I could feel that something was not ok, he was treating me aggressively and detached. Then I found everything and that they were back together, he call her the same pet names he had for me, dedicated the same songs, play the same games… It makes me feel so replaceable and since it’s the fist time that this happens to me and I never though it would, I feel so stupid and meaningless. I really don’t know how to deal with this.

  • joy hope

    Thanks for these steps I am currently going through the grieving process. I was with him in the car when I found out he was cheating by looking through his fone. I completely lost it i screamed n cried he tried to calm me down I told him to get out of the car but he wouldn’t leave me, he cried kept apologizing I asked him why why why I told him if we remained together It would never be the same because he would have to regain my trust again.
    We talked till dawn everything seemed ok being with him that night and finding out while he was present helped. He promised me it will never happen again he seemed genuine. As i drove off as we live 40 mins from eachother I seemed ok but when I got home the emotions all came rushing back I couldn’t sleep I just needed his reassurance that he meant what he said. I asked him again about details n how it started i got more angry… long story short he calls me every morning before he goes to work he talked so sweetly to me told me he loved me have a good day at work and that he will call on his breaks and later on that night i couldnt utter a word while he was talking tears just streamed down my face… I felt my heart leap out of my chest my heart truly broke I hung up my fone and decided I couldnt continue on with the relationship I blocked him from my facebook deactivated my Facebook account any social network apps n accounts blocked his number from my fone deleted everything on my fone his messages photos videos anything that reminded me of him all our history is gone….it’s only been 2 days lol there i smiled :)it’s soo tough but I know I will be ok give me another few days of grieving then i shall talk to my friends praying is helping me too:)

    • Sunshyne

      What’s so ironic, I myself went thru the same exact situation and same scenario, only difference the woman he cheated with said he contacted her again and sent me screenshot of the texts btwn them, long story short I did exactly what you did to rid the memory of him its been two days☺ I’m grieving and praying myself thru. This to shall pass, stay strong Queen, I told myself God just made space for my true King.
      Stay blessed, thanks for sharing your story it helps to know I’m not alone.

  • mya

    My daughter got cheated on with her own best friend. She is devestated. I want to help her so bad. The guy goes to her school. My daughter doesnt want to go back to school. I am so worried.

  • Latty Perez

    I had a son with my boyfriend of four years.We broke up last year and he moved west. While he was there, he married another girl and got her pregnant. They had a baby girl and are living together. My bf came back for us and lied to us that he missed us and want us back. Today i found out the truth from his wife who confronted Me.I was really hurt. I cnt believe he would cheated on Me.Please i wanna let him go and move on. How can i?

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