When you are in a relationship that has become frustrating and hurtful it is normal to ask the questions…is it him or me? Some other questions that may be running around in your head are:
- Is this a normal relationship?
- Is it possible to make the relationship better?
- Am I wasting my time?
- How do I tell him my needs and wants without sounding needy?
- What is the difference between settling and compromising?
- Should I give him an ultimatum?
That is because we are wired to look for answers to our problems and most of all we want our relationship to work. First, let me say that every relationship will have its up and downs to include disagreements, miscommunication and even times when you feel your partner doesn’t understand you at all. However, as I explain in my blog post, Compromise-Yes, Settle Never, in a relationship your partner should not hurt you, make you feel insecure or ashamed of your wants or needs. If this type of behavior is going on in your relationship then it is definitely him and not you.
Now let’s say you are paranoid about the what if’s; what if he is cheating, what if he leaves me, what if I am not good enough? If your partner has not given you any reason to have these thoughts then it is definitely you. We carry the good and bad experiences with us to the next relationship. For example, if we were in a relationship where we were treated with respect then we carry that into our next relationship with the expectation that we will continue to be treated with respect. If we were in a relationship where our partner cheated on us then we carry that into our next relationship with an expectation of hurt and betrayal. So our past relationships are able to create our expectations of future relationships. And our expectation of our relationships determine how we behave and allow our partner to treat us.
Regardless if it is your partner or you causing the drama in the relationship you should take some time to talk with someone who can help you determine what your next step should be. Make sure this person is objective and will tell you the truth and not just what you want to hear. Working through relationship problems is tough but it is possible with the right support.
If you have any questions you need help to stop the cycle of relationship drama, schedule an appointment with me. (864) 559-8181.