Should you be friends with your ex?

You have loved and lost. And you have watched “The Notebook” (my all-time favorite love story) just to remind yourself that true love does exist. Now the question “Can I be friends with my ex” pops into your head. Along with other questions such as “What happens when I see my ex?” “Should I run away or pretend I didn’t see him?” and “Should I block him from Facebook?” My relationship advice for women would be to ask the question “Why did he become your ex?” And in thinking about that question, you will remember the good and bad moments you and your ex shared which is normal. So I want you to go one step further and think of the top 3 reasons why you and your ex broke-up. This will bring clarity to why the breakup happened and do you really still want to be friends with your ex? I have found from my own experiences and from working with clients that wanting to be friends with an ex is a way to try to divert the pain resulting from the breakup. Because “being friends” still allows you to see your ex, spend time with your ex and be updated if your ex has moved on. And all of those actions keep us from moving on and ultimately having the relationship we want. So being friends with an ex may sound good but it is not beneficial to us. I know having to stop communication with someone you love is hard but I want you to ask yourself this “Do you want to deal with the pain now or later?” Because at some point you must face the reality that the relationship has ended. And I would much rather you take the time now to heal than to prolong your happiness.

Some people may say if the breakup was agreed upon by both of you, then you can be friends. My relationship advice is it doesn’t matter whose decision it was for the breakup, your heart still hurts the same after separating from someone you love. The good news is that time heals all wounds, no matter how deep the wounds may be, especially with regards to someone who you have loved at one point in your life.

 

Below are my answers to the questions you may be asking yourself.

Question: Can I be friends with my ex?

Answer: You should not be friends with your ex for at least 12 months after the breakup. If after the 12 months, becoming friends is still a thought then you can proceed. However, make sure you have fully healed from breakup meaning you are not still in love with him, you do not think about you two getting back together or being intimate and you do not care if he is dating someone else. Also, make sure the friendship honours who you are.

Question: When I see my ex after…should I run away or pretend I didn’t see him?

Answer: Don’t hide. If you see your ex and he is in speaking distance, you should smile and say “Hey, it’s good to see you” (fake it until you make it!), after his response say “Well I have to get going, Bye.” If he is not in speaking distance, smile and wave your hand to say hello. At no point should you engage in an in-depth conversation or accept an invitation to meet up later. In the healing process which usually takes 12 months after the breakup, the key is to confront and not avoid emotions.

Question: Should I block my ex on Facebook?

Answer: Yes, block your ex on Facebook and do not accept any future friend requests within the 12 month time frame. Do not ask your friends who are friends with him, how he is he doing and ask your friends to refrain from talking about him. Your Facebook is for sharing memorable moments with family/friends so looking at his moments will make it harder for you to move on.

If you would like to talk to me more about how to start the healing process after a breakup, you can schedule a Free 15 minute Clarity Booster Consultation with me today.

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