Being deeply hurt by someone you love can leave you in complete anguish. Your whole life feels like it has fallen apart, the heartache never seems to end.
You blame yourself. You go over and over what you could have done differently.
You could have been more loving… more patient… less angry… less jealous… more tolerant.
The list goes on and on. You wonder, how long will it take to get over this?
The reality of a life without the one you love is sometimes more than you can bear—even when you know he was the one who let you down. Some people never truly heal their heartbreak. They become closed off and protective, never fully opening themselves to love again. Sometimes they become so angry, bitter and cynical about love that they end up sabotaging future relationships.
A few years back, I found myself in your shoes. The man I thought I was going to marry broke my heart. I cried, prayed and cried some more while trying to figure out how I would move forward.
Finally, I realized if I wanted to be happy again, it was up to me. I’m not here to tell you it’s as easy as flipping a switch, it’s not, but it can be done. If you’ve been trying to recover on your own and feel that you aren’t making progress, working with a therapist or coach can help you tremendously.
Within three months, while working with a therapist or coach, you should be emotionally stable, meaning; you don’t cry or feel guilty when you think about your ex, or think that you should go back to him. You would be able to see clearly and have peace with why the relationship ended.
Within nine months, you should be “back to life,” feeling emotionally stable, resuming your life and enjoying the things you did prior to the relationship, like going out with friends.
By 12 months you should be fully in your sweet spot and ready to move forward. Feeling confident and happy is the key to being able to move on and try a new relationship. While these are guidelines, there are exceptions to the rule. Some women heal on their own, but with the work of a coach or therapist, you can uncover some of the deep feelings or insecurities that can lead to the negative cycle of bad relationships.
Whichever way you choose, taking time to heal, building your confidence and rediscovering your favorite activities are stepping stones to healing. If you are struggling and can’t seem to make any progress, please seek guidance and support – it’s the healthiest thing you can do!
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I would love to hear your comments below! How long do you think it should take to get over a breakup?
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