Every week I hear from a broken-hearted woman struggling after a breakup. The man she loved, the one she thought was THE one cheated on her. It breaks my heart to hear the pain and sadness behind her words. “Why me? Was I not enough? I loved him, how could he do this?”

When you are bogged down by a breakup it’s difficult to believe there will be a breakthrough coming. You loved him, you built your world around him and you thought he was doing the same with you.

I know just what it feels like, because it happened to me too. The pain is real; the discouragement, the lost hope, the crushed dreams. It’s easy to feel stuck there. Sad, depressed, while your girlfriends try to invite you out to go dancing or catch a movie.

You’re convinced that you are done with men, you are not going to put yourself out there ever again. You’ve given up. I know that feeling too, but I’ll tell you this: the day will come when you are ready.

It’s okay to take the time to mourn the end of your relationship. It’s an important step in healing. Cry the tears, mope around the house, watch a sappy movie or talk about it with your girlfriends – on one condition – you set a time limit. Give yourself the weekend to hide away. After that, get up, shower, get dressed and start to take care of yourself. It doesn’t mean you will suddenly be happy or over the breakup, but it will keep you from being stuck in an endless loop of pain and sorrow.

Be prepared, there will be things that trigger the tears, like your special song or driving by a favorite place you used to go. It will be tempting to slide back into the darkness and depression that you first felt when you broke up. Go ahead and cry, then let it go and get back on track. As time passes, you’ll feel a bit stronger and the sad times won’t hit as hard.

Then one day, you’ll realize that you don’t feel the lump in the pit of your stomach, you’ll find yourself smiling or laughing at something someone said. You’ll realize that you haven’t thought about him for a long time, and when you do, it doesn’t pack a punch anymore.

You will wonder what changed. You did it, you’ve had your breakthrough.

Over to you

Now let’s help each other out, what is the best advice you will give to someone after a breakup?