Getting the Relationship You Want
December 28th, 2016
Why I Love Couples Therapy
You have a love story. We all do. And while we cannot write every word of our love story, we can control how we react to the plot’s twists and turns. That’s life, that’s love: The ups and downs are uncontrollable, but it’s up to us how we ride those waves.
This is what I love about relationships. And let me tell you, I LOVE relationships. I love being a couples therapist. I love helping couples turn their story from horror to suspense to romance (or at least, a really good romantic comedy). I love empowering couples, allowing them to become the heroes of their own fairy tale.
Unlike any bestseller or blockbuster, real love stories are hard work. They take grit and gumption, time and energy, communication and education. And often they take someone like me to help couples reconnect, rebuild and fiercely protect their happily ever after.
That is because even when things seem to be going great — perfect even — your relationship can take a turn toward the devastating.
Trust me, I’ve been there. Everything is couch-cuddling, neck-kissing, finish-each other’s-sentences good. You have conversations like best friends, make-out sessions like teenagers, and peaceful weeks like newlyweds. But then there are days — days that arise more and more — when conversations turn into arguments, which turn into knock-down, drag-out fights. Silences are awkward, communication is stunted, your once-easy intimacy seems like a dream you had so long ago. Compliments are replaced with judgements. Communication is replaced with conflict. Long moments of pure connection and undistracted time together are replaced with fleeting, suppressed exchanges — like two acquaintances passing on the street.
Maybe something specific and definite happened to your relationship. Maybe it was cheating, lying, heartbreak or some other relationship-changing trauma. Or maybe it was more like a slow fading. Either way, the spark, the connection, the trust are no longer there, and you don’t know how much more you can take.
You feel alone. You feel hopeless. You feel like you have two decisions: Walk away or stay in this ugly place.
But you are not alone.
No matter your doubt, your hopelessness, your fear, together you can change the course of your love story and make a decision that — in a world of conscious uncoupling and three-month marriages — you will defy the odds.
This is where the hard work comes in, and this where I come in.
Because of my own history, I know what it feels like to stare a broken relationship in the face. I know the temptation to cut all ties and leave before one more fight breaks out. I know how one bad relationship can feel like a curse on all future relationships.
And after a personal Aha moment, I realized that I had built up walls that were preventing others from connecting with me and preventing me from growing into the person I wanted to be. I developed a philosophy that touches so much of what I now do as a therapist: The relationships we have with others is often a reflection of the one we have with ourselves.
Simply put, how we show up in life is often how we show up in love.
I tell you all this because my own love story — as well as degrees, certifications and more than a decade of experience — helps me help my clients. I do not simply recite Freudian phrases or rehash something I learned from a textbook. I am part counselor and part coach and part cheerleader. I will be honest and straightforward, and I will help you, your partner and your relationship thrive.
That’s correct. You. Your partner. Your relationship. I will never see you simply as a couple. You are two individuals who are attempting to bring your separate wants, needs and experiences together. As a part of that, I will show you how to stand up for what you want, practice self compassion and gratitude in love and life, and build a resilient relationship that preserves your personal integrity. I can give you tools and insights to help you chart a path of honesty, trust and communication.
How do I do this?
In a safe and confidential space, together we will celebrate the good, confront and overcome the bad and heal from the ugly. I will empower you to take control of your relationship with yourself and others, and together, we will chart a path toward your future.
You and your partner will have the freedom and protection to be your unapologetic selves — to be two unique individuals in a unique relationship. No judgement, no taking sides, no male-bashing (or female bashing for that matter). The tears, the raw expression, the difficult dialogue. It will all be worth it.
After all, this is your love story. You deserve a happily ever after.
If you need help rewriting your love story or coping with some erratic plot twists, I can offer plenty of support and insight. You can contact me at (864) 559-8181 to schedule an appointment. I can help people in Greenville, SC, and surrounding areas.
All love stories have erratic plot twists. Sometimes couples need a tune up. Thanks for what you do to help those who need a new direction.