February 19th, 2014
Stephen seemed like a great guy – he had a steady job, a rocking body and no baby mama drama. At first, Sonia couldn’t believe she was lucky enough to snag him. The first few months of their relationship was like a dream. He was attentive, he always returned her text messages and he seemed like a perfect gentleman. Then things began to change. He’d call at the last minute and change plans, he would talk about how wonderful the other women at his job were and made Sonia feel stupid when she said she wanted to go back to school for computer technology. She thought she could overlook those things, because when they were together they still had a great time and she was in love with him. He still took her out to nice places and he didn’t rush off right after they had sex. She figured it was just a compromise, there were things he did that she would just have to overlook in order to keep the relationship going. When she talked to her friends about it, they all told her she could do better. That she was settling for the treatment Stephen dished out, even though Sonia didn’t see it that way. As in Sonia’s situation, some women do not know the difference between settling and compromising in a relationship. Many women struggle with that question especially when they are in love and confused about where the relationship is going. When you settle in a relationship you are accepting behaviors, attitudes and beliefs that:
- Hurt you
- Make you feel insecure
- Cause you to feel ashamed of your wants/needs
Some examples for if you are settling in a relationship are: He is….
- Being abusive (emotionally, physically and sexually)
- Not willing to commit to you.
However, the good news is you don’t have to continue to settle. You have a choice in who you allow to be a part of your life. I know sometimes it is hard because you love him so much and want him to change, but at the end of the day your worth is all you have. It doesn’t matter if he has a 6-pack, makes 6-figures or is 6 foot tall, you deserve a man who will always respect and love you. Now let’s talk about compromise. Compromise is when your significant other demonstrates behaviors, attitudes and beliefs that:
- Challenge you to be better
- Makes you upset but does not affect the way you feel about yourself
- Are different but he does not attempt to change you
Some examples of compromising in a relationship are:
- Spending time with his family for Christmas instead of it being just the two of you
- Putting the toilet seat down without a fuss when he has left it up for the hundredth time
- Going to eat someplace close to home so he can watch the game
You see, compromising is where you extend a part of yourself so you and your partner can meet in the middle. Relationships are not perfect so there will be disagreements however those disagreements should not lower your self-confidence or stop you from creating the best life possible for yourself. I know from experience that when you love someone you don’t want to think you are settling, you would like to think you are helping them be better. And there is nothing wrong with helping your partner become strong in areas he is weak in. However if he is being dishonest, disrespectful and disregarding your self-worth then he doesn’t deserve you. In all situations you have the POWER to stop being mistreated and START being happy.
If you need help to stop settling in your relationship, you can call my office at (864) 559-8181 to schedule an appointment with me and we will discuss how you can unleash your personal power and never settle again.