December 1st, 2017
There are times when disagreements turn into wars. And you are prepared to drop some bombs.
If your relationship has become a war of words, watching this video is a chance for you to begin revitalizing the loving connection you have with your partner.
It’s an opportunity for long-term change that brings respect, communication and trust back into your relationship.
It’s the first step in learning to fight fair.
Now I know what you are thinking.
Suntia, how am I supposed to win arguments if I don’t fight a little dirty every so often?
I get it. We have been taught that if we are going to fight, we need to win. In the heat of the moment, you and your partner will say whatever it takes to make a point — to be right.
That may mean saying cruel things, undercutting your partner’s intelligence, using profanities, rolling your eyes, making threats or even bringing up old matters of contention (Yeah, that one time your partner lied about his spending habits. You are just waiting to rehash that during a fight.). It may even mean trying to make your point over… and over… and over again.
Many of my clients say they are just responding to their partner’s verbal attacks. They were “fighting back” to protect themselves.
But here is the deal: When you say mean things during an argument, it puts little cracks in the foundation of your relationship. Those cracks begin to merge into one big rift that separates you and your partner. That rift represents the breakdown in trust, a dysfunction in communication and the hurt, pain and heartbreak you have both caused.
These little arguments have huge repercussions.
So how do you stop? How do you change how you and your partner argue?
I can help. In a couples session, you will learn that fighting fair means having the freedom to say what’s on your mind while also having empathy, trust and respect. You will learn to have conflict while playing on the same team. You will work toward common goals together and listen to each other’s perspectives.
Sounds pretty perfect, right? I promise, it’s not too good to be true. It will take work, an open mind, an open heart and lots of listening.
And soon you will soon realize that happy couples do not focus on who is right and who is wrong; they focus on mutual respect and a collaborative mindset.
Here is an example of how conflict happens: You and your partner disagree about how to comfort your daughter when she is hurt. Your husband picks her up, gives her a pat on the head and says, “You’re OK.” And he moves along.
You would rather cuddle and offer support and hugs. You think you are right, and he thinks he is right, “If he just understood my point of view, he would start being more empathetic with our daughter”. But your husband feels the same way.
So you both get caught up in trying to explain your points of view. It becomes an argument when you debate the technicalities of your perspectives.
Instead, you must honor each other’s feelings, understand each other’s perspectives and find solutions together. You still hold each other accountable — you do it with respect.
If you are ready to learn how to fight fair in your relationship, sign up for my 4-week Self Study Program. You can take this program from the comfort of your home, with your partner or solo! This program gives you the skills to communicate, even when you are angry😳♥️🙈