March 26th, 2014
Finding out that the man you love has cheated on you is a devastating feeling. Kind of like the wind was knocked out of you and everything starts to move slow. You can’t believe the man you trusted is now the man who has hurt you in the worst way. You may start asking yourself questions like “Why me?” or “Was I not good enough?” These are normal questions and finding the right answers will be essential in healing your broken heart.
As a relationship therapist and coach, I help many women go through the healing process. In the healing process, there are emotions that come up such as anger, sadness and confusion. However, I assure you that if you take the time to fully heal you will come out a much stronger and confident woman. You will have all the answers you need to make decisions that will honor your heart and soul.
Let me walk you through 5 steps on how to get over a cheating boyfriend.
Step 1: Stop blaming yourself
We sometimes think “If I would have spent more time with him” or “If I been more sexy” that our boyfriend would not have cheated. But before he cheated he had two choices:
- To talk to you about his feelings, wants and desires
- To leave the relationship
So, I don’t want you to assume the blame for his actions. His cheating was about him making the wrong decision. No one can make someone else happy every minute of the day. You are valuable and deserve to have someone who is committed to you and knows your worth.
Step 2: Grieve
I know that without a doubt, this is the worst phase of the healing process. However, this is the most revitalizing step. Why? Because once you cry and let out all of your feelings, your spirit will feel lighter. You won’t feel the burden of trying to hold everything together. Every woman grieves in a different way. You may want to shut yourself from the rest of the world, cry your heart out while watching sad romantic movies, or talk to your girlfriends. Whatever way you chose, don’t skip this step.
Step 3: Make Peace
I know it’s hard to make peace when you have been hurt. I want you to know that making peace is not saying what your boyfriend did was okay but that what he did will not keep you from being happy. We can’t control other people’s actions however we can control how we react to them. Yes, it will take time to get through the healing process but it will be worth it. Remember, things and people may come and go but when you are happy with yourself, you have a peace that no one can take away.
Step 4: Enjoy the company of friends
What would you do without your amazing friends? Don’t you just feel a whole lot better when you’re able to talk to your friends after a breakup? Whether you guys are out dancing, eating or just hanging out at the house, your friends have the ability to make you laugh when you are hurting inside. Friends are a great support system because they know how awesome you are and can tell you the truth without hurting your feelings. They love you and want to see you happy. So don’t turn them away when they want to come and comfort you. Let them be there for you because you know you would do the same for them.
Step 5: Avoid temptation
It could very tempting to try to hurt your boyfriend in the way he hurt you. Maybe you think cheating on him will make him see what it feels like to be hurt in that way. But I want you to think about something. Aren’t you better than that? Do you just want to give some guy your “goodies” in order to get back at your boyfriend? Any man who has the pleasure of “knowing you like that” needs to bring more to the table than a free pass because you are upset. I have been in the same situation and what I learned was that it is hard enough to work through the pain that your boyfriend caused you, why add the extra pain of knowing you hurt him too? Don’t worry in time he will realize how much pain he caused you, he will remember the tears in your eyes and he will wonder how he was able to hurt such an amazing woman.
Over to You
I would love to hear your comments below! Have you been in this situation before, or what advice would you give to someone who has experienced her boyfriend cheating?
If you want to work with me 1-1, call me at (864) 559-8181 to schedule an appointment.