We all make mistakes, and we all endure the mistakes of others. Carelessness, forgetfulness, callousness, selfishness, disrespectfulness — all the nesses. And while these are usually errors in judgement, accidental blunders or misunderstandings, they can feel hurtful, cruel and malicious for those on the receiving end.
That’s why forgiving is so hard. And that’s why forgiving and forgetting is nearly impossible.
Despite the pain and anger you may feel, you might still be willing to forgive. You might be willing to gather the courage, the trust and the confidence to say, “I forgive you.” But forgiving and forgetting? That’s when you may think, “Suntia, I just can’t forget the pain.”
When you watch this video, you will begin to see that instead of forgiving and forgetting, we must forgive and forge ahead with trust, compassion and accountability. Consider this your opportunity to begin to heal from the pain of past challenges — together as a team — instead of feeling like the victim of your partner’s behavior.
But first you have to understand that forgiveness is an essential part of healthy, happy relationships. That’s because we, as human beings, are imperfect. I hate to break it to you, but you will make mistakes and your partner will make mistakes. It’s simply inevitable. You cannot expect perfection from your partner if you are imperfect (I know, you are amazing… but perfection is just not realistic).
And that’s what you have to realize: How you react to your partner’s mistakes should reflect how you want your partner to react when you make mistakes.
We all want compassion and mutual respect in our relationships. These qualities are invaluable as we traverse the bumpy roads of courtship, dating, marriage and starting families. They will help you take on challenges as a united front. Individually, it’s nearly impossible to move on from your mistakes, but as a team you can overcome and rise above.
Forgiveness in a partnership, is only real, only effective if there is compassion and accountability.
When you forgive your partner, you are choosing to say, “I am no longer defining you by the mistakes you have made.” And when your partner accepts your forgiveness, he is choosing to say that he will work on being better, he will learn from his mistakes and he is conscious of his actions. Together, you can determine what accountability looks like in each situation.
If your partner splurged on an extravagant shopping spree for himself and now you can’t replace your broken stove, you must work together to determine what accountability means in this situation. Maybe your partner returns some of his purchases, maybe he works overtime to earn extra income or maybe he seeks some financial advice on budgeting to ensure this mistake does not happen again.
That’s teamwork, and that’s accountability.
I know, it’s not simple, and it’s not easy, but I’m here to help.
My Relationship Roadmap Private Facebook Group supports you as you bring compassionate, teamwork and forgiveness into your everyday interactions. When you join this Facebook group, you get access to Module 6, where you will learn to take each day, each mistake as a lesson in building trust and fostering communication with your partner. You learn what accountability looks like and how to regrow trust after past mistakes. Module 6 also includes personal and couples worksheets to help you develop your forgiveness skills and help you forge ahead toward your happily ever after.
Are you debating whether cheating is a forgivable offense? Are you heartbroken that your partner has cheated yet again? In module 6, we even dive into forgiving the unfaithful.
When you join the Relationship Roadmap Facebook Group, you will connect with incredible community of women who are facing similar challenges. You will also enjoy the tips, advice and analysis from Modules 1-5, which provide support on challenges that women like you face in their relationships. Together, we will heal, grow and work to make your relationship stronger, brighter and more resilient.